here it goes!!

Hmmmm....Blogging...I've never been very good at it, but here it goes. To warn you all ( not that I expect anyone to read this) anyway. I am a very random person...I can go from talking to something really serious to something completely DUMB!!! I guess that's just one way I cope..Maybe...haha

Here it goes:

I have a lot of issues...But I'm trying to get through them...maybe...I suffer from and ED, although I have never been diagnosed I believe I have one. I don't know what I want. Someday's I want to recover, then other days I'm like whats the point?!?!?!

I am a Christian. Being a Christian and having a ED is a very touchy thing, in my opinion. I want to serve Christ with my all. I really do.

Have you ever had that person in your life that right when you are starting to get a grip on things just pushes you down with one little sentence? Well, my brother-in-law is that person! I hate it. I start to want to recover and get better, then he says the stupidest thing. Like, "I heard there was a place open on the biggest loser and I sent your application in." Now, He doesn't know I have eating issues, but still who says that to a teenage girl!!!??!! I mean really. That was when I hit my lowest weight. Then I started to try to get better again and he makes another dumb comment about being fat. I'm not underweight at the moment, but I'm not huge either...I don't understand why someone would say somthing like that!

So ATM I am contemplating recovery. One main thing that I think is holding me back is my brother-in-law. I want to prove him wrong and if it means getting to a super low weight then SO BE IT!!! I get so frustrated. I just want to show him....I know that is a terrible way of thinking of things, but I can't help it :( So who knows...I just joined a site that supports Christian with ED's. I think it will help me in my decision making...I hope...Well off  for now. I'll write back soon.