So, It's been a rough, very rough week.
I need to get back on track. With Thanksgiving and everything it's been bad. I hadn't written, because I thought maybe, just maybe that I want to get better....I needed time away from everything...I don't want to. I can't. I hate the feeling of being "full". if that makes any sense. I don't like people looking at me and feeling like they are just judging me. My brother in law was making more jokes. I can't take it any more! I'm just done.
But then there is my boyfriend...He knows...He made a joke about my butt being big or something then realized what he said...Ever since then he is been like "your soo skinny" that sorta thing. He also found out how much I weigh...He said I was underweight to him. HA! Underweight my butt! I will get there...I was soo close before. I want to get back on track...I need help...I can't do this on my own...I've tried doing groups, but I feel like I'm the only person putting effort, then when I fail I feel terrible! I can't live up to anything. Anyone. I want to be skinny! I want to feel beautiful. To see what everyone else sees. Why did Ana have to choose me? why? I can't handle this...this, stress.
I'm sorry...I've let you down...I'll make it up to you some how...I will.
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