It's been awhile...
A lot has gone on. My boyfriend broke up with me..Because he didn't want to control his sexual desires towards other people...I'm down to 105! only 5 more to go...for now. I have been so lost lately.
I went to a retreat with my church...It really opened my eyes..But I don't know if I can start eating again...It's not that easy. I feel so alone in this struggle...I started cutting again...Well, I have twice. :( I am so disappointed in myself. I really need to get these pounds off. I don't understand why I can't be good enough for anyone! I found out that my mom thinks I'm a horrible kid. I try my hardest. I really do. I don't cuss, I dress modestly, I don't drink, do drugs, I don't have sex. Why aren't I good enough for her??? My supposed "best friend" barely talks to me anymore. I'm tired of trying. I have gotten really close to one of my friends...He is my best friend...I know he is. He has helped me threw a lot..and is trying to help me with my eating...I have gotten mad and yelled at him so many times...Maybe there is something to this? Maybe I should try and get better?? It's not like I'm physically sick though, I'm not underweight. This is all so confusing. I don't know what to do anymore...Please help me.
