This blog.
He made me promise not to go onto PT or PA again...This blog is the only thing he doesn't know about...The only think that no one knows about..This blog is the only place I can write my true feelings. I'm so confused and lost. With no where to go...
I told him that I needed help, I hadn't eaten anything for a few days. I got involved with a Ana "trainer."
He found out...He said it was the stupidest thing I have ever done..I agree 100%. That's why I let him tell my youth pastor about my eating. I pray that, that was the right choice. Apparently my youth pastor just said that if I wanted to get better it was up to me...Like I didn't already know that. He (my yp) didn't tell my mom, which is a very good thing. He didn't really do anything, actually. He told Nick that he was going to check up on me...Whatever that means. But anyway..yeah, I don't have PT any more and I feel so lost...I just...I don't know how to change my mind set...It's been stuck here for so long, that I don't know if it can change.
This blog is the only thing that Nick doesn't know about...Which is good I guess. I don't know. I'm going to let him think I am getting better...I'm not going to lie, because I promised him I can't. I'll get better eventually...I hope.
He has too much on his plate now...He doesn't need my screwed up problems on top of everything else..He told me that I wasn't screwed up, just "confused." Yeah, confused all right...
Sorry, for my rant...This is the only place I have left that is mine...
Hello, sorry i didn't email back i've been working on my finals.
ReplyDeleteLets try and look at things differently, its a good this your yp knows. Someone to keep an eye out on you. Ana is a bitch (again sorry for my language) but it def is dangerous so it is a good thing an adult can keep an eye on you.
I know that you feel lost and i know how it is to miss restircting. I know how it feels for people to say you can change it and feel as if you can't.
I;ve come to realize if i rely on God I can get through this. If i try and rely on myself i tend to fall. I know that it is difficult but push yourself. push yourself to get out of this. Do it for you! because you are good enough and deserving of life!! It doesn't matter what anyone has or will tell you. You are good enough youu are worthy you are awesome and deserve life that doesn't revolve around saddness and death.
message me if you want dear.
Elyse